I’ve always felt like I had “too many” emotions. As a child, I was constantly called sensitive or a drama queen. This led to me internalising my feelings and, for a long time, hiding them from the world. I used poetry and my diary to let out what I was holding in, the page becoming my confidant. Now, at age twenty-nine, I’m much more expressive and confident in letting others into my feelings. However, even as a professional writer, and someone who others see as vulnerable and open (especially on social media), I still repress a lot.
This caveat is important because oftentimes we think everyone else has it ‘figured out’ when they don’t. That comparison culture can stop us from trying or putting ourselves out there when in reality everyone is a work in progress. It’s all our first time being human, and remembering that can be extremely freeing.
Made popular by Dr. Daniel Goleman in the mid-to-late 1990s, emotional intelligence is the ability to recognise, understand, and manage your emotions and those of others. Colloquially, it’s used by people who define themselves as empathetic or able to regulate their emotions with ease. A lack of it can often be read as a lack of emotions - but that’s not strictly true. Most of us feel a lot of emotions, all the time, but we struggle to give them words - they exist in our heads, via imaginary conversations and daydreams. Tapping into emotional intelligence, and learning to successfully tell people what they mean to you, is the key to more fulfilling and deep relationships. There’s no secret trick to it, just practice. Make small steps towards being more expressive, like hugging your parent; sending your bestie a text telling them you love them; calling someone you’re proud of; or sending flowers to someone you’re thinking of.
