Self-love coach Rosie Leach on how to survive Valentine's Day as a single
If you’re currently living in a total love bubble with your very own Mr Darcy (or maybe even Christian Grey) then, I am SO pleased for you but this is for my gals and guys who might be finding themselves in a situationship that could give Fleabag and The Hot Priest a run for their money or who are currently crying into their family size tub of Ben & Jerry’s in their Bridget Jones' pants (trust me, we’ve ALL been there).
Valentine’s Day can be triggering and there’s at least 35% of us in the UK who will be spending the big Valentine's Day without a partner. Maybe you’re recently single, in the middle of a messy break up or even dealing with the loss of a partner this year. When you’re not in a relationship something as simple as walking past the coffee shop on the high street and seeing their Valentine’s Meal Deal can be enough for you to find yourself locked in the toilets on your lunch break having a little cry and swiping through Hinge to try and find an emergency date for the big day.
But here’s the thing, Valentine’s Day doesn’t need to be a triggering and you’ve got the opportunity right in front of you to totally flip your view of singledom on it’s head and take Valentine’s Day from a nightmare to a dream.
There’s nothing sad about being single on Valentine’s Day (or any day!)
We’ve been made to believe that a relationship is the Holy Grail. Phrases like “other half” or “significant other” leave many of us feeling like we’re not complete without someone else. There seems to be even more pressure on us single gals. How many of us have been on the recieving end of unsolicited comments about our age and the ticking time bombs that are our ovaries? Is it really any wonder that the single population believe they’re failing at life if they're not yet coupled up? Well, I'm here to tell you that but being single is nothing to be ashamed of or to feel sad about. Being single is a valid choice and one that millions of people have made right now.
And, despite what we’ve been made to believe, being in a relationship doesn’t suddenly solve all your problems. It isn’t the default setting for happiness. You are a whole person regardless of your relationship status and you are not failing, falling behind or running out of time if you’re not in a relationship right now. We need to change that narrative. Being single is an opportunity! It is your chance to learn how to love yourself so that when someone does come along that might actually be interesting enough for you to give a couple of hours of your precious time to, you know exactly how you deserve to be loved.
Instead of viewing a relationship as something that completes you, view it as something that may well add to your life but is not necessary for you to feel good about yourself and to live a full and whole life.
Single is better than settling
Ask yourself this honestly, would you rather be spending Valentine’s on the sofa in your comfy pjs with a glass of wine watching Lady Chatterley’s Lover (hello Jack O’Connell) or with some douchebag who forgot to get you flowers and won’t actually commit because “I’m focusing on my career right now” or “my ex just really hurt me”? Or with a man who’s really lovely but you’re just not feeling it? Being single is a million times better than being stuck in something that isn’t right for you. A wonderful relationship is simply that - wonderful. But one that you’re doubtful of or feel isn’t quite right is something to be avoided like the plague. Every moment you spend with someone you know isn’t the one (if there is such a thing) is a moment that you’re making yourself unavailable to meeting someone who actually might be. Single is better than settling any day.
Changing your view on single life and seeing it for the valid life choice that it is will go a long way to increasing your happiness long-term but there are also a tonne of things you can be doing this Valentine’s Day to help you feel empowered and excited instead of drained and disappointed.
Ideas for Valentine's Day when you're single
Now I know what you’re thinking, “I can’t go and do that by myself” or “people will look at me like I’m a loser”. But here’s the thing. Firstly, you can go and do that. It might be scary at first but the buzz you’ll get when you complete your first solo date is second to none. Your life doesn’t stop just because you’re single so go and live it! Secondly, nobody really cares if you’re at the cinema or out for your dinner by yourself. Most people are too absorbed in their own lives instead of whether you’re sat in Starbucks by yourself. It will feel awkward and uncomfortable at first but it’ll end up being the best thing you learn to do. Go and live in that main character energy!
Feel the feelings
However you feel on Valentine’s Day, allow those feelings to be felt. It’s ok if you have a wobble and feel a little teary or if you feel pressure from other people to have it all figured out. Feel the feelings but then move on. When you have these moments or triggering days, grab your journal and think about the benefits of being single or the experiences you’ve had that have only been possible because you’re single. Your ability to change your perspective on what being single really means and the opportunities and joy that it brings is what will ultimately allow you to make the very most of single life.
Whether it’s that bag you’ve been eyeing up for weeks or maybe you’re taking a leaf out of Miley Cyrus’ book and buying yourself flowers - just do it. If there’s ever an opportunity to show yourself the love and appreciation you deserve then surely V-Day is the perfect one?
Spend the day with someone you do actually love
Set up a Galentine’s night with your besties, catch up with your parents for a movie night and a takeaway or hang out with some work mates. Just because you’re single on Valentine’s doesn’t mean you have to spend it by yourself. This day is a celebration of love, who says it simply has to be reserved for romantic love?
Valentine’s Day can either feel like a reminder that you’re single or be an opportunity to learn to embrace the love you have for yourself and the people in your life. The choice really is yours. Go slay it!
I'm Rosie Leach and I'm a Self-Love Coach. I believe that self-love is the key to everything. It enables you to create the life you deserve. It enhances every relationship, friendship and interaction in your life. It allows you to pursue your goals and dreams and it offers toy the opportunity to create a life that you truly love. Find out more over on my website www.self-lovecoachingwithrosie.com_