How to Express Condolence

When someone you know has suffered the loss of a close friend or family member, it is important to let them know you are thinking of them. If course, it is difficult to know how best to express your condolences to someone who is recently bereaved but bear in mind that simply making contact and showing they are in your thoughts will be some comfort.

Although many of us frequently communicate via text or email, this is one instance where you should consider if this is the most appropriate choice. Text and email contact has the advantage of speed – as does a telephone call or visit of course. But on the other hand, a card or letter takes more effort and can seem more personal.

A word of warning regarding social media. It would not be right to offer condolences on Facebook or Twitter unless the bereaved person has already used these public platforms to acknowledge their feelings. This is a difficult time so be careful about inadvertently announcing the news by way of condolence on social media – even if your motives are clearly kind. As a general rule, take your lead from their online communication and tone.

Simple Condolence Messages

My heartfelt condolences on your loss. It was a pleasure to know [insert name].

[insert name] will never be forgotten. We will treasure our memories of him/her and offer you our condolences.

The ones we love are never gone; they live within our hearts.

We are sorry beyond words for your loss.

Religious condolence messages

I will never forget [insert name]. May God give him/her eternal rest.

Please accept my sincere condolences. I pray that our Lord blesses and comforts you and your family during this time of grief.

I am lost for words at this sad time. Please know that I am thinking of you and praying for peace and comfort.

I know that your faith is strong, and I want to encourage you to hold on to it. Even though we may not understand why this has happened, we can have faith that there is a reason in His plan.

Quotes of Condolence

“God is our refuge and our strength.” Psalm 46:1

“Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them.” George Eliot

“Every man dies. Not every man really lives.” William Wallace

“It is not length of life, but depth of life.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

“It takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, and a day to love them, but it takes an entire lifetime to forget them.” Anonymous

What not to say to someone who has lost a loved one

Even with the very best intentions, we can sometimes say the wrong thing to someone who has recently been bereaved. To stay on the safe side, try to avoid the following:

Don’t compare your feelings with theirs

• We all experience grief in our own way, so even if you have also been bereaved, you are unlikely to know exactly how they might be feeling.

Don’t be overtly upbeat or try to find a positive angle.

• Give them the space to express their grief openly rather than feel obliged to appear that they are coping.

Don’t say what you would do if your partner/parent/friend died.

• Instead focus on what comfort you can offer them rather that thinking about yourself.

Don’t refer to the afterlife

• Unless you know for sure that the bereaved person and the deceased believed in life after death.